Laughter is the ultimate remedy, and nothing delivers it quite like a perfectly timed drunkard joke! These 100 hilarious drunkard jokes capture the funniest moments of tipsy adventures, bar mishaps, and drinking shenanigans that everyone can relate to. Whether you’re a party-goer, social media creator, or just someone who loves witty humor, this collection proves that comedy doesn’t have to be offensive to be unforgettable.
From clever puns and relatable situations to over-the-top antics, each joke is crafted to make you laugh out loud while celebrating life’s lighter, messier moments. Get ready to enjoy a riot of humor that’s safe, inclusive, and irresistibly funny—because every good story deserves a laugh!
Drunkard Jokes
I told the bartender, “Give me something strong.” He handed me a mirror.
Why did the drunk bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house.
I tried to get sober, but my coffee kept flirting with the rum.
Why did the drunk sit on the clock? He wanted to get wasted on time.
I asked the bartender for a light beer… he handed me a flashlight.
Why don’t drunkards ever argue? They can’t remember the fight anyway.
I tried to do yoga after drinking… ended up napping in the downward beer pose.
Why did the drunk stare at the can of orange juice? It said “concentrate.”
I tried walking a straight line… it went all zig-zag.
Why did the drunk carry a notebook? To record his amazing dance moves.
I told my friend, “I’m not drunk, just chemically unbalanced.”
Why did the drunk bring a spoon to the bar? He heard they had a new cocktail “on the rocks.”
I tried texting sober… autocorrect called the police.
Why do drunkards love elevators? They’re the quickest way to reach new heights.
I went to the bar for one drink… left with a full biography.
Why did the drunk take a map to the bar? He wanted directions to oblivion.
I tried counting drinks… ended up counting sheep instead.
Why did the drunk sit on the stairs? He wanted to get “step wasted.”
I told the bartender, “Surprise me.” He brought a broom.
Why do drunkards make terrible secret agents? They can’t keep anything straight.
I tried a new cocktail… it tried me back.
Why did the drunk bring a backpack to the pub? In case of a “binge emergency.”
I danced like nobody was watching… unfortunately, everyone was.
Why do drunkards love karaoke? Because every note is perfect when slurred.
I tried calling a cab… ended up calling my ex.
Why did the drunk bring a chair to the party? For “supportive” reasons.
I went to buy water… left with a cocktail and a story.
Why did the drunk take a selfie? To prove he could still hold his phone.
I tried to read a menu… it read me instead.
Why do drunkards love round tables? So the drinks keep coming in circles.
Drunk & Dating Humor
I told a girl I was sober… she laughed, then offered me a shot.
Why did the drunk take a date to the zoo? He thought the animals were on his level.
I tried flirting… ended up confessing my grocery list.
Why did the drunk bring roses? To apologize to the floor he kissed.
I told my crush, “You’re intoxicating”… then realized I was talking to my drink.
Why do drunkards write love notes? Because spelling doesn’t matter.
I asked her out… she said, “Wait till you sober up.”
Why did the drunk take his date to the library? He wanted to check out some “spirited literature.”
I tried a pickup line… it worked… for my cocktail.
Why did the drunk spill wine on his date? To make a “lasting impression.”
I danced with a stranger… she turned out to be my shadow.
Why do drunkards always hug strangers? They can’t find familiar faces.
I told my date, “You make me feel bubbly”… accidentally referred to my soda.
Why did the drunk buy flowers at 2 a.m.? Romantic emergencies happen.
I tried to whisper sweet nothings… ended up singing the alphabet.
Why do drunkards fall in love easily? Everything looks better through a wine lens.
I asked for advice on dating… the bartender gave me a shot.
Why did the drunk hold hands with a lamp? It seemed bright.
I tried impressing a girl… she laughed, I poured more drinks.
Why do drunkards write poems? Spelling errors add charm.
I kissed a stranger… turns out it was a coat rack.
Why did the drunk bring chocolates? To bribe gravity.
See also 100 Hilarious Dental Jokes to Make You Smile
I tried holding a deep conversation… ended up singing my autobiography.
Why do drunkards hug poles? Because life needs support.
I told a girl, “You light me up”… she said, “That’s a neon sign.”
Why did the drunk bring a teddy bear to the bar? Emotional support.
I tried writing a love letter… it read more like a grocery list.
Why do drunkards always smile at strangers? They look like friends.
I tried being smooth… spilled my drink instead.
Why did the drunk buy a hat? To hide a bad hair day… and memories.
Wordplay & Puns
I told my drink, “You complete me”… then it completed my nap.
Why did the drunk read a book? For the “spirit” section.
I tried jogging after drinking… ended up in someone’s garden.
Why do drunkards love winter? Snowflakes taste like cocktails.
I tried yoga… the pose was called “falling with grace.”
Why did the drunk bring a clock? To get wasted on time.
I told my beer, “You’re my best friend”… it replied with bubbles.
Why do drunkards love elevators? They lift their spirits.
I tried painting after drinking… it was abstract perfection.
Why did the drunk hug a tree? For a natural buzz.
I said, “Life’s short”… then spilled my drink.
Why do drunkards love stairs? So they can stumble creatively.
I tried solving a puzzle… the puzzle solved me instead.
Why did the drunk wear sunglasses at night? Coolness overload.
I told the bartender, “Make it strong”… then fell in love.
Why do drunkards love lamps? Lighten up the mood.
I tried dancing… gravity had other plans.
Why did the drunk carry a notebook? To write epic tales… or grocery lists.
I told my cocktail a secret… it didn’t spill it.
Why do drunkards love buses? They’re always on a “roll.”
I tried a cocktail called “Courage”… it worked too well.
Why did the drunk hug a fridge? Emotional support.
I spilled a drink… now it’s a modern art masterpiece.
Why do drunkards love candles? Mood lighting mandatory.
I told my friends, “I’m fine”… then kissed the floor.
Why did the drunk write a book? For “novel” ideas.
I tried juggling drinks… gravity didn’t approve.
Why do drunkards love swings? To feel elevated.
I told my drink, “You’re amazing”… then passed out.
Why did the drunk talk to a chair? It looked supportive.
Random Funny Drunk Antics
I tried karaoke… my song was “Oops, I Did It Again.”
Why did the drunk hug a mailbox? Love letters everywhere.
I danced on a table… then took it personally.
Why do drunkards love rubber ducks? Childhood nostalgia + splash.
I tried climbing a fence… ended up in the neighbor’s pool.
Why did the drunk stare at a fridge? It held all the answers.
I told the bartender, “I need a hero”… he handed me a straw.
Why do drunkards love escalators? They never go the wrong way.
I tried writing a poem… rhymed with spilled wine.
Why did the drunk wear mismatched shoes? Fashion, confusion, and comedy combined.
See also 200+ Funny Bakery Puns
Conclusion
These drunkard jokes prove that humor can turn even the wildest, most chaotic nights into unforgettable stories. From clever wordplay and bar mishaps to hilarious tipsy adventures, these jokes bring laughter, connection, and shared fun to any setting. Whether you’re sharing them with friends, posting on social media, or just enjoying a private chuckle, the power of humor is undeniable. So raise a glass—or your smile—and celebrate life’s funny moments. Remember: the best jokes are the ones that make people laugh, feel included, and leave them wanting more. Keep these jokes handy, and let laughter be the life of every party!
