130+ Funny Train Jokes And Puns That Are Off The Rails
Looking for some laughs that are always on the right track? You’ve come to the perfect place! Our collection of train jokes has everything from funny train jokes that will brighten anyone’s day, to light-hearted train jokes for kids that are perfect for little conductors. If you’re a fan of clever wordplay, the train puns and sharp train jokes one liners will have you grinning in no time.
For the dads who love to deliver classic groan-worthy humor, our train dad jokes section is full of gems. Adults aren’t left out either — there’s a variety of witty train jokes for adults to keep the fun rolling. And don’t miss the playful knock knock train jokes, perfect for a quick laugh anytime. Ready to laugh out loud? Let’s get this joke train moving!
Funny Train Jokes
1. Why don’t trains ever get lost?
Because they always follow their tracks!
2. Why did the train bring string to work?
To tie up loose ends!
3. What kind of train eats too much?
A chew-chew train!
4. Why did the train break up with the platform?
It needed more space.
5. What do you call a train that sneezes?
Achoo-choo!
6. Why did the train sit down at the café?
It needed a little “track” of caffeine.
7. What’s a train’s favorite type of music?
Heavy metal.
8. Why don’t trains ever tell secrets?
Because they might go off the rails!
9. How do trains stay in shape?
They run on tracks every day!
10. What did one train say to the other?
“I choo-choo-choose you!”
11. Why do trains make terrible comedians?
Their jokes never land—they derail.
12. Why did the conductor get promoted?
He had great track records.
13. How do trains flirt?
With pick-up tracks.
14. Why don’t trains ever crash diets?
Too many carbs on board!
15. What did the passenger say to the delayed train?
“You’re late… again!”
16. Why did the train need therapy?
It had too many issues on track.
17. What do you call a magical train?
A loco-magic-motive!
18. Why did the train join the band?
It had excellent rhythm and tracks.
19. What’s a ghost’s favorite train?
A fright train!
20. How do you throw a party on a train?
You “choo-choo-se” the right car!
21. Why are trains such good storytellers?
They always have a long line of tales.
22. What do trains do when they’re bored?
They go off track.
23. Why don’t trains play hide-and-seek?
Because good luck hiding a whole train!
24. What did the mom train say to her kids?
“Stay on track!”
25. Why do trains love jokes?
Because they’re always rolling with laughter.
26. What happens when a train gets cold?
It gets a case of the steam chills!
27. Why did the train visit the doctor?
It had a case of loco-motion sickness.
28. Why did the train start lifting weights?
To build steam power.
29. How do you make a train laugh?
Tell it a rail-ly good joke.
30. Why was the train embarrassed?
It had a car full of passengers and no engine!
31. Why do trains never argue?
They always let things slide.
32. Why was the little train so happy?
It finally made it to the big tracks!
33. How do trains apologize?
“I’m so sorry—I was completely derailed.”
34. What’s a train’s favorite game?
Track-and-field!
35. Why don’t trains ever get tired?
They’re always running on energy!
See also 180+ Funny Truck Jokes And Puns
Train Jokes For Kids
1. Why did the train get an award?
Because it had perfect timing!
2. What kind of train loves to eat candy?
A chew-chew train!
3. What’s a train’s favorite color?
Track-tor orange!
4. Why did the train go to music class?
To learn how to choo-choo!
5. What do you call a train full of puns?
A pun-express!
6. How do trains stay safe?
They follow the right tracks!
7. What do baby trains call their parents?
Motrack and Locomama!
8. Why did the train cross the road?
To get to the other station!
9. What do trains wear in the winter?
Snow-track jackets!
10. What did the train say to the car?
“I’m on a roll!”
11. Why can’t trains hide?
Because they always leave tracks!
12. What’s a train’s favorite vegetable?
Loco-mole!
13. What do you call a sleeping train?
A snore-express.
14. Why are trains always polite?
They stay on track!
15. What do trains eat for breakfast?
Track-o’s and steam-milk!
16. What did the train say when it sneezed?
Achoo-choo!
17. Why did the train love recess?
It liked running on the tracks!
18. How do trains say sorry?
“I didn’t mean to go off track.”
19. Why did the train blush?
Because it saw the other train coupling!
20. What’s a train’s favorite game?
Track-and-seek!
Train Dad Jokes
1. I tried to catch the train, but it had too many issues on track.
2. Trains are great listeners—they always follow the line.
3. Why did the train start gardening? It wanted to train the plants!
4. I used to work for the railroad… but I got sidetracked.
5. I’m on a seafood diet—I see food and miss the train.
6. I told my wife I’d take her somewhere fancy—so we rode first class!
7. Trains don’t lie. They have honest engines.
8. I named my train “Respect”… because it’s always earned.
9. My train puns are locomotively bad.
10. I took my son to the train station to train his patience.
11. Train drivers are always on the right track.
12. I have a joke about a steam engine… but it’s a bit too much pressure.
13. I asked the train conductor for a ticket. He said, “Only if you’re on board.”
14. My friend left me for a train enthusiast. Guess I couldn’t conduct myself.
15. I met a conductor once—he had an electrifying personality.
16. Don’t trust train schedules—their track records are shaky.
17. My jokes don’t stop… just like an express train!
18. I tried to stay on track—but the puns derailed me.
See also 190+ Funny Work Jokes And Puns
Train Jokes For Adults
1. Trains and relationships have one thing in common: derailments.
2. If you think your life is off-track, try being a broken train.
3. I miss my ex… but my train leaves at 6.
4. Dating a train conductor? Prepare for strict schedules and late arrivals.
5. Why did the adult train get therapy? It had too much emotional baggage.
6. Trains are like deadlines—they come fast and hit hard.
7. I got hit by a train of thoughts… again.
8. I’d tell you a dirty train joke, but it needs steam cleaning.
9. My boss said I need to stay on track—so I bought a train ticket.
10. I asked for direction, got a platform speech instead.
11. Life’s a journey… and mine keeps getting delayed.
12. My love life is like a train—full of stops and awkward passengers.
13. I’m not lost. I’m just taking the scenic route… by train.
14. Being an adult is just realizing trains don’t run on dreams—only diesel.
15. The only commitment I can handle? A return train ticket.
16. I don’t need therapy. I just need a quiet seat in coach.
17. Missed a train. Blamed the universe. Bought snacks.
Train Jokes One Lliners
1. I lost my job at the train station—turns out I couldn’t stay on track.
2. My love life is like a train: delayed and full of baggage.
3. I dated a train conductor once—too many mixed signals.
4. I tried to catch the train, but it had already left my platform.
5. Trains and I have a lot in common—we both struggle with direction.
6. I told my train joke on the subway… it went off the rails.
7. I’m not late—the train just didn’t match my energy.
8. If life’s a train, I’m stuck in the quiet coach.
9. I’m in a committed relationship—with missing my train.
10. Trains are like Mondays—always arrive too fast.
11. I bought a train ticket to nowhere—seemed fitting.
12. The only thing I catch these days is the wrong train.
13. I don’t chase people. I miss trains professionally.
14. I waved at a train once. It ghosted me.
15. A train broke my heart once—never again.
16. I can’t commit to anything—unless it’s a return train ticket.
17. I want a relationship as steady as a late-night train.
18. I don’t need directions—I just follow the tracks.
19. Life comes at you fast—unless it’s public transport.
See also 190+ Funny Toilet Jokes And Puns
Train Puns
1. I’ve got a loco-motion for travel.
2. You’re on the right track, keep going!
3. Let’s choo-choo something fun today.
4. My plans are off the rails, but still exciting!
5. I’ve got steam-powered confidence.
6. I’m totally track-minded today.
7. You’ve trained me well.
8. Our friendship is full speed ahead!
9. I’m conducting good vibes only.
10. I’m locomotivated to succeed!
11. Feeling express-ive today.
12. I’ve got a one-way ticket to pun town.
13. Sorry, I’m rail-y into puns.
14. All aboard the giggle express!
15. That joke really left the station!
16. Don’t worry, I’m on board with your plan.
17. Let’s switch tracks and start fresh.
18. That idea derailed quickly.
19. You’re the engine behind my happiness.
20. This day is running full steam ahead.
21. You freight-en me with that joke!
22. Keep chugging along.
23. You rail-ly made my day.
24. That pun was right on track!
25. We’re going places—first class puns only.
Conclusion
No matter your age or sense of humor, these train jokes are sure to put a smile on your face. From the simple joy of train jokes for kids to the clever twists of train puns and quick laughs from train jokes one liners, this list has something for everyone.
The ever-popular train dad jokes bring classic charm, while train jokes for adults offer relatable humor for grown-ups. And if you love a good surprise, the knock knock train jokes will keep you entertained. So hop on, share the laughter, and keep your day running smoothly with these fun and funny train jokes — all guaranteed to keep you on track for good vibes!
